Remembering
by JamesMcMullen
Summary: Terra's memories are coming back to her, and they're not pleasant.  A talk with Sabin, though, makes her realize that she has a chance to make things better.  Rated M for language, and for Kefka being an absolute monster.
1. Chapter 1

Terra sat huddled in the corner of one of the caverns that the Returners had claimed as their headquarters. She rocked back and forth gently, her knees tight to her chest, her body shaking convulsively.

The nightmares - she refused to believe they were returning memories, as Sabin had suggested - had been getting more frequent since she had left Narshe. To say that they were unpleasant would be an understatement. There were nights on Mount Koltz when she would wake up screaming and sheathed in sweat. Neither Locke nor Edgar could calm her during those fugues, despite their efforts.

This most recent episode had been the worst, both physically and emotionally. Like the others, it came to her in the night, stealing into her mind while she slept.

She had seen herself in the streets of a city, sitting behind the controls of a suit of Magitek armour. A dozen men and women in ill-fitting Imperial uniforms were pleading for mercy as she stared at them impassively. A voice shouted a command at her and she pulled a lever set into the console to her right. As flames licked out from the mouth of her armour and toward the soldiers, she awoke, their screams merging into hers.

Like every other night since she had first experienced the nightmares, Locke and Edgar were alert, waiting for the nightly terror to grip her. Like every other night, she brushed them aside, saying she did not need their help. The two men exchanged a significant look as she settled herself back into the bed Bannon's men had found for her.

"You know," Locke said slowly in his lilting, almost musical accent. "These seem to be getting worse, Terra."  
>"I know," she said, nodding slowly. "They...they started after Arvis took the...crown off of me. I can't...I just can't shake the feeling that...that they're real."<br>"Don't worry, m'Lady," Edgar said gently as he squeezed her shoulder. "I'm an excellent judge of character and I know you wouldn't do half of what you've told us."

She smiled at Edgar and shook her head. "How can you know," she said sadly, "When I don't even know for sure?"  
>"Well," Edgar said with an exaggerated grin, "To start, you're far too beautiful to do anything like that. Also," he added in a more serious tone as he looked in Locke's direction, "I'd have heard of anything like that from my, ah, Intelligence network."<br>Locke nodded his head and looked sidelong at Edgar. "He's right, and as I'm his Intelligence network I would know."

Terra nodded and smiled at the two men. "Thank you both," she said softly. "You two don't have to do this, though."

Locke knelt beside her and looked at her intently as he took her hand in his. "I promised that I'd take care of you, Terra, and I will."  
>"Thank you," she said, squeezing his hand as she smiled wearily. "I really do appreciate all you've done for me."<p>

"Yeah, he's a real gentleman like that," Edgar said as he arched an inquisitive eyebrow in Locke's direction. "We should let you sleep, though, m'Lady," he added as he moved behind the younger man and rested a hand on his shoulder. "Shouldn't we, Locke?"

Locke nodded and stood, Terra's hand slipping slowly from his. "We'll be right outside, if you need anything," he said with a smile.

The two men said their goodbyes and left Terra's room, whispering an argument as they left. Terra laid herself back onto the bed and closed her eyes, smiling to herself as the sound of Locke and Edgar's hushed disagreement drifted through the caves.

After a few moments, she curled her knees to her chest and fell asleep.

Whatever she dreamt that night, she had forgotten it by the morning.

* * *

><p>Bannon's words still rang in her ears.<p>

He knew. More importantly, Edgar and Locke knew. Knew what she had done, knew details she thought she had only dreamt. They had lied to her the whole time, she realized. Telling her that she wasn't what she feared.

But she was. She was a monster. She was a murderer. Worse, she was a tool for them to use. They wanted her, she she realized, in the same way that the Empire wanted her; as a weapon. She couldn't do that, couldn't let herself be used that way.

She knew what she had to do, but she couldn't - not yet, not with everyone awake.

She found herself in the small room again, the pack Locke and Edgar helped her get together laying on a nearby chair.

Once they were asleep, she would take the pack and leave.

Before then, though, she needed rest, as much as the prospect terrified her. She wouldn't get the opportunity for much sleep once she was gone.

She laid in the bed, on top of the thin blanket, and closed her eyes.


	2. Chapter 2

Terra dreamt again.

No. She knew what it was now. She _remembered_.

She was in Vector, in what she recognized, with an almost instinctive pang of terror, as her old quarters. The room was spare, the bed and a desk with a silver mirror sitting on it were the sole pieces of furniture.

She felt the breath catch in her throat as she saw the reflection of her dream-body - no, of herself - in the polished metal; her skin was caked with heavy white paint, her eyes were darkly-lined in green and black while thick red paint covered her lips. The slave crown glittered darkly at her brow.

A quiet whimpering drew her attention to a Lobo pup lay curled against the far wall. She shuddered when she saw the puckered tissue where its eyes should have been. She wanted to reach out to the animal and comfort it, but knew that it was her own hands, her own abilities that had wounded it so.

She thought could almost feel her body begin moving toward the scarred Lobo when the door behind her flew open. Terra and the Lobo both flinched as a tall, slim young man - Terra felt a wave of nausea as she belatedly recognized a younger Kefka - entered the room.

Kefka grinned, the dry white paint on his face cracking and flaking with the movement. "Hello, my dear," he said, his voice menacing despite its strange, shrill pitch.

Terra wanted to scream at him, to strike him, to weave a spell and burn him to ash, but instead she stepped toward him and smiled almost affectionately. "Hello, my love," she purred back as he pulled her into his arms. "Has the Emperor told you anything yet about what I am to do at Maranda?" she asked. Kefka did not respond, simply shaking his head before leaning in to kiss her, his hands roaming across her body.

She fought back a scream as their lips met. She tried to force herself to push Kefka away but to no avail. She could feel his hands moving further down her body and was revolted by the way it reacted to his touch.

A cold hand caressed her hips and she shuddered as her dream-self pressed closer to him, how she sighed as his hand moved toward her thigh. She knew that there were tears of anger and fear and hate on her pillow at the thought of how her body wanted what was coming next. Of how, she realized as a wave of nausea threatened to overcome her, that this had happened, and it was not the first time.

Kefka's hand paused beneath her dress as the door slid open again, and turned as he heard a sharp intake of breath. An older man, his blond hair sharply cut in an Officer's fan, stared at the two of them, his face contorting in confusion and rage as the dossier he carried fell to the ground. Behind them, a blonde girl no older than Terra mimicked her counterpart's reaction, a mix of pity and disgust in her eyes.

"What in the Goddesses' name are you doing, Palazzo?" the older man roared as crossed the small room with a single quick stride.  
>Kefka was barely able to shout a strangled cry of surprise before the newcomer pulled him off of Terra and threw the younger man against the steel wall.<p>

The blonde girl shook her head sadly as she put her arm around Terra and led her to the bed.  
>"I'm sorry," she said quietly as she sat Terra down onto the plush mattress "It should have been me with him, not you."<p>

Terra tried desperately to remember who the young girl was, to say something - anything at all - but to no avail. Instead, she could feel the familiar tingle of power in her fingertips as tiny flames began to dance around them. She cried out, knowing that the sound would send Edgar and Locke charging into the tiny room, hoping that they would wake her before she recalled casting the spell that killed these people, whoever they were. They were, she knew, good people. The last, she was sure, that she had met before Locke, Edgar, and Sabin. She didn't want to remember murdering them.

The heavy sound of a fist connecting with flesh caused both girls to look up at the two men. Kefka was holding his face, stunned. Defiantly, he spat a stream of blood and fragments of tooth toward the older man and grinned. Terra felt herself stand, felt the energy flow through her, collecting at her hands and streaming out in a jet of flame toward the other man. A flash of blue light pulled the fire toward a smoking sword that had suddenly appeared in the blonde girl's hand as her older companion struck Kefka again.

"You sick bastard!" the older man shouted as he continued to beat Kefka. "How many times have you done this? How many? She doesn't even know what's happening! You animal!"

The girls stared at the two men as the beating continued, stunned by the savagery of the assault. Kefka slumped to the ground, curling into a foetal ball as the sound of his whimpering played a counter-point to the heavy blows raining on him. The older man stopped after a moment and spat at Kefka as he bent over him. He pulled a short, broad-bladed dagger from it's sheath and put it against Kefka's throat.

The blonde girl leaped to the General and latched herself onto his arm, pulling it back from Kefka's throat. Terra, though, was only peripherally aware of the struggle as she knelt beside Kefka's bloodied form.

He was whimpering, mewling like the maimed puppy in the corner of her room, his knees pulled to his chest, his face swollen and bleeding through the smeared paint. She leaned over him as he whispered to her, nodded her head and held her hands over him. A green glow suffused the air as his flesh knit itself together and new teeth pushed through his gums while the other man and the blonde girl shouted at her to stop. As the last of Kefka's wounds closed, Terra stood and helped him to his feet. She did not make a sound as he shoved her roughly to the ground.

"You idiot, bastard, moron, Leo!" Kefka sputtered, his hands glowing darkly with magic. "I will have you dead by my hand, you treasonous dog! I will kill you myself! Your soul will be my plaything! Your skin will be my banner! I will destroy everything you ever cared for!"

The man, Leo, spat at Kefka and fell into a knife-fighter's loose-limbed stance. "Then do it, Kefka, if you've got the spine. I warn you, though; this'll be an actual challenge - I'll fight back."

Kefka grinned as flames filled the room.


	3. Chapter 3

Terra awoke with a start, the afterimage of the flames still dying in her mind's eye, and got out of the bed. The cave was still, and the slightest sound seemed to echo forever in it's depths. She hefted the pack, took a skin of water and a small packet of hard bread, and gingerly opened the door.

Edgar was seated against the wall, asleep, his breath coming slow and even. Terra gingerly stepped past him and, as quietly as she could, hurried into the heart of the Returner's headquarters.

The cavern the Returners had built their base in had dozens of small, high galleries like the one she found herself in, and those galleries were riven with fissures leading outside. Most were barely large enough to let air and sunlight in, but some - like the one she standing before now - were big enough. Barely.

She looked out the narrow crack in the rock wall. It would be tight, but she would be able to fit out there and flee. Run far away. Maybe east. She had no reason to think that there was anything there for her, but something felt right. Like it was calling her there.

Behind her, she could hear a commotion; someone - Edgar, most likely - had discovered she was gone. She didn't have much time; they would be looking for her.

She had just slipped a shoulder through the crack when someone behind cleared their throat. She whipped her head around quickly and winced as she clipped an outcropping of rock. Her vision blurred for an instant before it focused on a massive man leaning nonchalantly against the gallery's entrance.

"You alright?" the man asked, his voice reverberating in the granite chamber.  
>"Sabin, I..." Terra's voice trailed off as she looked at the older man. A flash of worry went through her as he shifted, and the sad smile that he gave her did little to calm that sense.<p>

"Don't worry," he said softly. "I'm not here to stop you." He took a step toward her and nodded to the crack in the wall. "I did that once. Ran, I mean. I get it. I just wanted you to know that whatever you decide, Ed, Locke, and me'll be alright with it. Bannon didn't have any right to lay that on you like he did."

Terra stared at Sabin and shook her head slowly. "You're right," she said as she watched the bearded man roll his massive shoulders. "He didn't have any right to tell me that way, but I...I've been remembering things like that, and..."

"You don't have to tell me anything you don't want, Terra," he said as he shook his head slowly. "That's not why I'm here."

"Then why did you come here, Sabin?"  
>"Well," he looked away and it was a long moment before he met her gaze again. "Well, Ed's got us looking all over hell and gone for you, so I figured I should at least tell him why you went."<p>

Terra's gaze narrowed at the mention of Edgar's name, and Sabin laughed loudly. "No no, don't you worry about that, Terra," he said, wiping tears from his eyes. "Ed's not gonna make you do anything that you don't want. And as much as he talks, he's not going to try anything with you either; he's a gentleman like that. Besides," he added with a grin, "Locke'd murder him if he tried."

Terra smiled at Sabin's joke and pulled her shoulder out of the split in the wall. "They seem like they're very good friends," she said as she sat against the rock face.  
>"Friends? Those two are practically joined at the hip. Hell," Sabin added with a wink. "I'd be surprised if they didn't get together after all of this."<br>Terra smiled and looked away. "I just..." she said softly, "I don't know what to do, Sabin."

Sabin crossed the gallery and sat beside Terra, draping his arm over her shoulders and pulling her against him. "You do whatever it is you want to, Terra," he said warmly. "It's your choice. That's what the guys gave you - a choice. Take whichever path you want, and it'll be the right one for you."

"But how will I know if it's the right choice for everyone?"  
>Sabin laughed again and patted her shoulder. "Well, that's the thing," he said slowly, "You don't ever really know how your choice is going to play out until you've already made it. And by then, you're already doing it, so it doesn't matter one way or the other, does it?"<p>

She looked sidelong at Sabin and shook her head. "I don't know, Sabin. I just don't know who I can trust. I mean..."  
>"Listen," he said softly, "I know how confusing this has to be for you, and I know that you don't really know who's good or who's bad in all of this, and I'm not going to try and convince you one way or another but...If you want to trust someone, anyone at all, trust Edgar. He's never once thought of himself first, and he's always been...he's always been ready to do whatever is right, no matter how hard it is. I don't want you to go telling anyone this, but Edgar's just about the best person I've ever met, no matter how he acts. If he said he would watch out for you, then he will."<p>

They sat there in silence, Terra mulling over what Sabin had told her. He was right, she decided. They had given her something no-one else had; they gave her a choice. She could leave right now, never look back, or she could stay, try and fight the Empire, try and stop whatever it was they were hoping to accomplish.

She looked up at the huge man and nodded. "Alright," she said quietly. "I think that I'll talk to Bannon now."  
>Sabin looked at Terra and smiled. "Sure thing, kid," he said as he helped her to her feet. "You know that whatever you choose, Ed, Locke, and me, we've got your back, right?"<br>She nodded and smiled as he pulled her upright. "I do, Sabin. Thank you."  
>"Not a problem," he said as he hopped off of the ledge and held out a hand for her.<p>

"So what did you decide?" he asked as she landed beside him.  
>"To make my own choices," she said as she walked to where Bannon was waiting.<p> 


End file.
